This week I didn't go to our church's weekly prayer meeting. For several weeks I've avoided it - no, honestly, it has probably been months. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with the meeting or church! I've really been hesitant to share this on the blog just because I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing our church. I'm not! Our prayer list at church is a long one, as I am sure most are. People with cancer, dying, losing eyesight, severely sick children, mothers, fathers...and on and on. Let me say that our church has an awesome prayer ministry, has seen lots of answers from God, and has helped an innumerable amount of people with their prayers, including my own family. But I just haven't been able to go lately and I really wasn't sure why. I know that God is in control in each of the situations on our prayer lists, and honestly, I don't even know most of the people on it, yet it still feels overwhelming and even depressing at times. Maybe my trust in God is just too small.
One problem I see in that type of list is that people with problems that seem less severe are hesitant to mention them. It feels a little uncomfortable to ask for someone to pray for something seemingly insignificant (like unemployment) compared to cancer and death. However, those so-called insignificant things are actually pretty big when you're the one living them! So, what is the solution to getting people to share things that aren't quite as grave? I'm not sure there is one, at least not in a group that size. It's hard to build trust in such a large group. Prayer groups can too easily become gossip parties instead.
Something I've never shared with anyone other than my husband is the fact that I believe that God has given me the ministry (job?, duty? - I'm not sure what you'd call it!) of prayer. It's not something I've shared publicly because it feels so intimate and private to me. I've learned to be cautious in telling someone I'll pray for them just because it's not something I want to take lightly and because praying for them can become so personal. Maybe it is because I've thought that prayer was my job (task? what WOULD you call that??
LOL) that this struggle with not wanting to go on Wednesdays has really had me so perplexed.
When the speaker was here last Sunday he really got me to thinking about focusing on and praying for God's will. Do I spend most of my time asking for temporary THINGS- physical needs to be met, healing, etc. Or do I focus on the eternal? I've watched a dear friend of my mother's struggle with severe pain as she waits to die, yet she isn't focused on praying for healing or trying to stay alive. She's spent her time witnessing to her doctors and neighbors, and preparing them for heaven. It wouldn't be wrong for her to pray for healing (I'm sure she's done that!) or for me to pray for things, I believe God delights in giving to us! But where is my focus and my heart? As I was praying about my struggle, I looked down at the prayer list Mark brought home. What I finally noticed is what is missing from that list. Eternal needs. No one (INCLUDING ME!) has listed a lost family member or friend that needs to turn to God, no one has listed any type of spiritual needs at all. Am I over-analyzing here? Maybe I'm just lazy and enjoy the one hour I get alone all week by missing the prayer meeting! Ha! What do you think?
I really love what Sue put in the comments of the first post..."what's more important, me talking to God, or God talking to me?"
